A Fresh Perspective

Since I had something to say, I thought I'd join the crowd of bloggers and create my own. :]

Well. Lately I've been a little ashamed... Kind of disappointed in myself. However, I really thank God for the people that He's blessed me with in my life to show me what ways my life has gone astray from His plans for me, and the messups I'm making. The main thing I miss about who I am- about who I want to be- is a close walk with God... I know I am pretty upbeat and positive for the most part. But when I get with my close friends and family I think I forget that mindset and become very selfish. Also, I am not so careful with my speech as I have been and some of my actions are completely unacceptable. I dont know why I feel like I have to post a blog about this other than the fact that I want someone to know that I'm desiring change, for the better, to the most of what I can be and what God has for me. I want to be positive, modest, kind, loving, and responsible. I miss being really in love with God. I miss going to a youth group. I miss being connected to people who have a bit of spiritual guidance for my soul. I want to be the kind of person that people respect and admire. I want to be humble but encouraging. I want to be a good friend, daughter and girlfriend. I want Jesus' love to shine through me.. in everything I do. Going along with the thought of something my friend Stephanie's sister said to me last week when I got to go to college group at Calvary Chapel, I don't want to just be a good person anymore. I don't want to regret my years of high school and think, "Why didn't I use that time to truly live for God with all of my heart?" All of my heart. Occasionally I see a glimpse of what I used to have, and it saddens me that I don't anymore. I want to have love for people. True, agape love. I want to know that everything will follow after that; I want to focus my heart on others and look to the heavens rather than at myself. I want to be like a waterfall, constantly pouring out and taking in; not a pond that only ever receives (me, me, me!) and smells and looks dirty by the end of Summer. I want a clean, fresh perspective. I want to say, "God bless you, I'm praying for you," and mean it. I want to be genuine. I want hope, and I want love. Jesus, I need you.